You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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