can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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