I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
