Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
