you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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