you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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