I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
