I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
