i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
