for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
