Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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