Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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