its not stalking. its research.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Sorry about my life...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize