so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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