We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
