I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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