Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Sacagawea was the original milf.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
