What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
