2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
