Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
