Your face is a jimmy john
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
