My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
