I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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