I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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