You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
