I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
