It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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