nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
