I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Randomize