is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
