What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
