have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
