Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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