There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
