It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
