just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
