Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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