I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
porn star boner night. come get it.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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