The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize