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He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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