I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Fuck appropriateness.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
