i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
