what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
