I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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