there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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