I smell stomach acid.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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