and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
