3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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