dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
