This girl is more easily done than said...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
