I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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