my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize