I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
