I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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