god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
