Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
