Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
