another moral hangover. fuck.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i think i just lost a toe
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
