My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Dicks are not precious.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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