How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
