I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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