OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
