I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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