there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm always down for nudity.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
