her vagina looked like bernie madoff
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize