The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Randomize
