: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
