He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
