she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
