i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
