ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
