How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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