So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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