Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
