so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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