They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You're a waste of cheezeits
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
