his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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