Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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