Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We don't watch enough power rangers
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
