you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
