All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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