put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
