I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
