he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize