I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
