So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
