you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
