Plan B is the new Plan A
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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