Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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