Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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