he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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