we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
