sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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