Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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