I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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