My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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