SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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