Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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