No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
