2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
