when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
